IKEA

Since I've placed a Katie B imposed moratorium on posts referencing Katie B, I'm going to take the next few writings in a different direction. So...

I visited IKEA for the first time Saturday night. I did this alone. I survived yet I'm just now regaining full use of my senses and ability to actually think and compose sentences longer than three words. Here is a brief reflection on my trip to this disorienting labyrinth of Scandinavian modern style furniture and accessories.

I knew I was in for something unique when I parked in an underground garage and saw droves of people with glazed over looks in their eyes being fed back into this area via a massive, multi-level conveyor belt. Something about this seemed creepily futuristic yet sort of like the way cattle are fed through machines on their way to our dinner and lunch tables. This is not any less unsettling, even if it does not seem futuristic. However, I forged ahead as nothing could shake my determination to get a $50 bookcase, not even the possibility of being brainwashed by some Swedish furniture magnate named Erik, Jorgen or Thorbjorn.

Also interesting was that one of the first things a person encounters when entering IKEA is their IKEA Cafe. I was glad to see someone is finally servicing the "Swedish Meatball/Put It Together Yourself Home Decoration Niche" that has far too long been under serviced in our country. Capitalism demands this need be filled, even if you have to bus your own table.

Anyway, I gathered myself and began to follow the pathway that leads through a variety of showrooms, complete with furniture and design ideas. This was actually fairly easy to follow although I kept wishing there was a tram we could ride on, sort of like one of the rides at Epcot Center I used to frequent as a child in sunny Florida. I figure if you're going to have a giant conveyor belt, cafe and pathway through a maze of various terrains you may as well go all the way with the thing and get a tram with a video of some popular Norwegian entertainment icon giving safety rules at the beginning. Then again, as is often the case, maybe that's just me.

On a side note, someone could reach half the population of Atlanta for Christ in one evening at IKEA because I'm fairly certain they were all there.

When all was said and done, I made it out of IKEA with a Billy bookcase, a magazine organizer for my desk and 42 seasonal pie scented candles for $0.99. I'll give you 10 seasonal pie scented candles as a prize if you can guess which item was the impulse buy in the check out line.

I hope you enjoyed this IKEA memoir. It was an experience I really should only have taken with the nurture and support of a young female companion but I'm glad I built up my IKEA immune system for future visits.

On to the next post: Valentine's Day (TBA)!!!